in your eyes, the stars

Was reading Xiaxue's pregnancy post (!!! still cannot get over it omg) and just... aweofiuapwuf wow. Idk maybe it's because it's XX and I've been reading her blog and everything for so many years now and I really actually quite like her (and also I saw her irl that day hehehehe I SAW HER WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT :O) and yeah, reading her views and updates on it just makes it feel so real.

Also I cannot imagine puking/dry-heaving 40 times a day wtf wtf wtf seriously reconsidering ever getting pregnant lol I hate vomiting I do it enough on planes already. And also I don't want to get fat and not be able to see my feet I'll probably fall down everywhere. And stretch marks and must go on diet after that and THE PAIN!!!! Plus I absolutely. cannot. freaking. stand. kids making noise zzz doesn't matter if it's some three-month-old baby that's crying or a five year old boy screaming his head off or kids banging their cutlery or whatever annoying thing they do on the table I just want to slap them and ask them to shut up <_< plus I don't actually like babies. I only like toddlers who can talk and respond properly but even still only until they're 5 or 6 because they get irritating and rebellious when they reach primary school.

Oh well I haven't even taken A levels so............ long way to go LOL.

And also weddings are pretty and I cannot wait to shop for my wedding dress and plan my wedding and yes I am very girly and immature (marriage is a life-changing decision! Not just for you to look pretty!!) + now that things are changing and/or I am growing up I have realised that I might be an absolute sucker for romance and cheesy nonsense, but I am also a realist at heart and seriously, how do you be absolutely positive that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life? How can you be so sure that you have met The One and there isn't your true blue soulmate out there??? But still —



what's not to like? *__*

But seriously why can't I just be content with how things are and god I don't know I just disgust myself sometimes.

WHY DO I EVEN CARE UGH AWOEFUOPWAEUFOWAIUFOWUAIEFUAWOEPFIUWAUEFUWA

(^^ if my boyfriend looked like that while waiting for me I'd turn up late all the time and just spazz behind a pillar while watching him LOL)

Why do I hear your breathing as if it's a spell?
There's no way to avoid you, you amazing person
-- O.K (B1A4)

~

So exams are over YAY awesome party timez starts now has started already actually hehehehehehe :) had fun playing pool w Jieshi Enoch Justin Nic yaaay apparently I have potential LOL it's pretty fun :3 at least I improved from the previous time (proves that Zhihao & Sally are lousy teachers lolol).

Started watching TVD thanks to Sheryl & Sean's constant spam of gifs on tumblr and okay I admit, Ian Somerhalder is aoefupweuf hot *v* and Nina is pretty! :D

+ done with MTV Match Up LOL shall start on BANA soon~ let's fly B1A4! ^^v

Wonder how long this high is gonna last hahahahaha (until results come back maybe? :O)

• The weirdest thing about my heart is that it falls in love in pieces
• And it's not to say that your piece is any special
• But it was first.
• There are different kinds of love in this world because
• Different people get to you in different ways, for reasons you can't explain
• I can love you the way you love someone who's been in your life for so long
• You cannot imagine a life without him, because he's been there
• To grow up with you and go through a series of bittersweet first-times with you
• And when he is walking next to you you feel something fall into place
• Although you'd never even realised you were missing that particular piece
• Of your heart in the first place.
• I can love you the way you love someone who is in your mind almost
• Every second of every day, who is nothing close to what you've always wanted,
• But still manages to steal your heart in the most startling of ways.
• I can love you just because
• I do,
• And that is that.

~

August 8, 2011

• MapleStory w/ Jieshi throughout National Day celebrations
• Only stopping to watch the We Are Singaporeans thing because it was legit hilarious
• Accidentally molesting Chubin because he turned around at the wrong moment :|||
• Lunch @ JustAcia~
• Gossip x381041
• Monopoly deal w/ Szekang :B
• Shopping at giant: bread vs biscuits, chicken vs ham
• Yufong successfully popping a cork
• Meeting the DHS kidz after that
• Stealing 1/3 of Sally's strawberry froyo which was surprisingly nice
• His face when we went off without him (“Ehhhh where are you all going? :( Tell me lehhhh you all just gonna abandon me like that?”)
• But it wasn't our fault because he wanted to mug with Isaac/Wenning/Matthew/Richmond etc until 11:30 :<
• Watching the shops close
• Playing with chinchillas :B
• Getting Sally to buy drinks for us
• "Omg omg omg omg he did it!!!!!"
• #foreverproud of him 8)
• More Maple + weird HK drama + 8% vodka + 4.7% breezer + totally sober self @_@ 
• I wonder how much it will take for me to get drunk LOL

School is stupid I really need more than 6 hours' worth of sleep a day dammit and I am tired all the time and I am not exactly very nice when I am tired and I end up saying the wrong things but I am too tired to care or try to make things right again and I can only hope that people will forgive me and understand that I would never mean to hurt them.

Sometimes I don't really feel like myself sometimes I feel like someone else sometimes I push people away on purpose not only because I am afraid of getting hurt but because I do not want them to come too close only to be disappointed by what they find inside me. I am not whole I am broken I am fragile I have no room in my heart for anyone else and I am starting the long tedious process of forgiving and forgetting and this time round I have nothing left to give. I will not make the same mistakes again I am lonely loose listless lost I am a shell I am terrified; I want so much I don't deserve I want something I don't deserve I want to deserve to be happy.

Like I said, I need more sleep. I think. Sleep is always good.

Tired of moodswinging. Tired of being sad then happy then sad then angry then hurt then not knowing what to feel anymore. Tired of caring when I said I wouldn't, trying when I said I wouldn't. Tired of that sense of guilt and helplessness when you don't know how to cheer people up. Tired of my friends being upset because they really, really deserve to be happy. Tired of school. Tired of homework. Tired of not knowing what is going through your mind. Tired of you. Tired of love. Tired of not knowing if I'm doing the right thing. Tired of knowing that I'd do it anyway even if I knew it was the wrong decision to make. Tired of wondering. Tired of feeling like a horrible person in general. Tired of exhaustion that has nothing to do with the amount of time I sleep. Tired of being scared all the damn time. Tired of my insecurities. Tired of myself. Tired of life in general, and I just really need a break :|

I get a feeling that you’ll leave me
You keep giving me all these excuses
Your cold "bye bye" that felt different from before
I cannot let you go
-- Intuition (C.N.Blue)

~

So I'm totally hooked onto Intuition rn. It grows on you, honestly :) and I can totally relate to the lyrics, I guess. Must force Ja to perform this for me one day hehehehe.



Adorable drummer boy is adorable ♥ 

Also, I solemnly swear I will go swimming + cycling more often :) must get off my lazy ass lolol. Learned Soshi's Womanizer choreo yay ^^

Would it be completely ridiculous to think that this boy is my soulmate? ;____; no seriously, I don't mean that in the I-want-to-marry-him way because I don't actually want to marry him, lol. He is nothing like my ideal type because he is too much like me, if you get what I mean :| we'd drive each other insane lmao! ~_~ so in an utterly non-creepy way... I do actually think that we are (creepily) similar :\ which is a very weird feeling indeed.

So um, maybe I need to go to a Beast fansign and see if he passes me his phone number with a note "do you believe in love at first sight?" attached to it HAHAHAHAHA /inside joke oops LOLOL

I don't need the gazes of all the other guys
(I only need you, only need you)
-- Boyfriend (SNSD)

Hiiii I'm back! So many things to talk about lol ;____; so um, met Joey at Parkway Mac's for lunch on Friday! Then we went over to Teoheng and sang for like 2 hours hahahaha. Then went over to her house, chucked my stuff, played with Sugar, then went off to Pastamania for dinner. Called Sihui to ask how to get to Bedok Reservoir from Tampines (lol), then took 22 over! Super crappy 2 hours + of waiting while I desperately needed to pee, and then it started. Which was only worse because the MCs were annoying as fuck and shrieking into the mic (like srsly though take a chill pill WE CAN HEAR YOU JFC) and the highlight was probably the stupid band singing a ridic song called Sex On Fire. Yeah. The lyrics were "this sex is on fire~" which was so stupid I died laughing lol!

U-Kiss appeared at around 9:30pm in awesome gorgeous mindblowing white suits and black ties and nnnnnnrgh so hot ;____; amazing hair for everyone (especially Kiseop bb since he put down his fringe cries) and for the first time I didn't have to focus on filming so I managed to do the fanchants which were super fun kekekeke~ Except that everyone was all pressed together all sweatily and stuff which was gross :(

After it ended we took a bus back to Bedok, attempted to find Sweet Talk but it disappeared, so we ended up going to Mac's to buy fries + drink + nuggets for Joey hahaha! Then went back to her house, Skyped Sarah etc etc lol. Went to sleep at like 2? :o then woke up at around 10:30, left the house at 11+ to go Tampines~ ate brunch at Cafe Cartel, then went to watch Harry Potter which was awesome except why were there so many H/Hr moments lol o_o Minor D/H moment during the snatching wand part which made me happy hahahaha they are so cute :')

Then went to get bubble tea + takopachi, met Angelique, went to Popular to get Boonsing's card, trained to work! Yesterday was my most awesome day everrrr (the previous time wasn't lor since I spilled the drink zzz) because awesome china guy partners were so fucking awesome idek ;_____; /touched lmaooo the only thing I did was get drinks for 4 tables? Except now I have a blister on my index finger from pouring too much tea LOL :\ but yeah :'D 

I haven't written anything in a month and I feel like dying but urgh writer's block :( it feels like constipation or something idk cries ;_____; okay off to watch Mary Stayed Out All Night \o/